Today, we celebrated my mom's birthday at SM Megamall with my dad and other two friends in UA&P during lunch time. It was fun, and I get to spend time with my parents even for just a short while because I'm already living in a dorm. I won't be seeing them that often now. As I reminisce about the past few years I was with my mom, all I can say is: It's amazing how God worked things between my mom and I. Here's how it all worked:
While growing up, I couldn't always say that my relationship with my mom was good. There were feelings of bitterness and resentment that hindered me from loving and caring for her. Her desire to control me led me to silent rebellion and low self esteem. Whenever I would get hurt, my friends are the ones who would listen to me rant and I would always tell them how I disliked my mom. I wasn't really open to my mom and never dared to talk to her about my thoughts, emotions, happenings in school, or any other things that she could be concerned of as a mother.
I didn't like the discipline she imposed on me. Sometimes her words hurt so much that I thought of committing suicide or running away from home. Even as a young kid in elementary school, specifically when I was around 13 years old, I thought of those things. But, of course, I couldn't do it. For 17 years, I endured her.
There came a time when one of my friends invited me to a camp held by Victory Ortigas in Bataan last April 2010. It was the turning point of my life and slowly, I fully understood God's love for me. I was able to forgive my mother as Christ has forgiven me of my sins. Even though she didn't apologize to me directly, I decided to forgive her and prayed to God for a better relationship with my mom. I felt peace and joy inside of me that I couldn't describe. Even if she throw insults at me again and again, I would still forgive her, turn to God and pray unceasingly. Every time I get hurt, my fellowship with God becomes more intimate.
There wasn't any drastic change between the relationship of my mom and I immediately after the camp I mentioned previously. It was only after 2 years that I realized that there was a subtle change between us. God made me realize how vast and glorious a mother's heart is that sometimes we tend to misunderstand it.
My mom just cares for me so much that even though it would make me dislike her, she would still persevere and do whatever it takes for me to have a good life. It was just my pride and selfishness that got in the way of seeing my mother as a gift from God. I know that through the years we've been together, I've only expressed my love and appreciation for her only a few times... And I thought, "Maybe that's what she needed more from me?". The question is not "What can she do for me?" but, "What can I do for her?".
Now, I spend more time with my mom compared before. We would go together to their Victory group every Thursday (whenever I get the chance to join), do chores, bake, cook, go shopping and talk more comfortably. Sometimes I would even be the one to help her get her nails done or go with her wherever she needs to go even if know that I won't really be doing anything but to follow her around. Time was probably one of the things I wasn't able to give her back then which explains her anger towards me. Recently, I also noticed that she's becoming more even-tempered. Instead of having dinner with my mom nagging in front of us every night (as she does before), our dinner time conversations improved. Sometimes we would laugh at each other, or talk about serious matters more calmly.
At first I hesitated spend quality time with her, but by God's grace, I was able to express my love for her more. ^^ It was a decision I made to love her despite the past painful emotions I had. We are more open to each other now. And this clearly shows that restoration between parent/s and child is possible through Jesus Christ.
I thank God for my mother and for all the things that happened between us, both good and bad. I thank my mom for the discipline she instilled in me, for forcing me to play the violin, and for taking care of me everyday. I know my mom cares and loves me deeply. I was just stubborn and didn't understand it at first. Thank you, Lord~! ^^
I love my mom! HAPPY BIRTHDAY to her. :3
"What is your mother? A lioness among the lions! She lay down among the young lions and reared her cubs." - Ezekiel 19:2